dear brittany and christa.

remember when i was at work one day? and there was a dead bird out front, and so me and my friend decided we should probably get rid of it so it wouldn't drive all the customers away. so i got a plastic bag and scooped the bird into it, and took it out to the dumpster, and set it on a pile of boxes in the corner, where it was easily accessible. then later that night, we decided we'd do something with it. so we drove around to the back of the ups store and got out and grabbed the dead bird from the dumpster. it smelled so bad, so we had to hang it out the window on the way to jamba juice. so anyway, we get there, and we decide to put it on bigelow's antanna of her car. so christa snuck up and skewered the bird on the antanna. it was sick. but funny, because there was just a dead bird at the top of her antanna. then i don't remember exactly what happened, but i kind of remember her not noticing until one of us was talking to her on the phone later that night or something... i forget. but it turns out the bird wasn't removed from the antanna and her parents took the car out on their date the next night. so they just had a dead bird attatched to their car. funny. but gross. i can't believe us. yes i can.

dear christa.

remember this? our secret recipe for pea soup:

mary j blige


added with some goose breath,


half cooked lips,


just a pinch of butt lava,


minus three fourths cup of burger sweat,


a scoop of fresh dirt,


three ankles of a sphinx,


dragon tattoos,


alligators on the feces,


pickled dung,


mustard sweat pants,


greasy monkey paws,


ill tempered badgers,





pesky liver bits,


vanishing faces,


gruesome hot dogs,


allison's lady,


tulips trodden down upon,


and three upside down igloos,




all smothered in yellow guts with sheek ribbon wrapped around. to be consumed only when lonely.

dear christa and andrew.

remember the 4th of july? we launched some fireworks at christa's. and her neighbors almost burned their own house down when an illegal firework went awry. then we went on top of the roof and watched some fireworks. then the rest of the entire night, all i remember doing is texting cha cha and having stupid conversations with them about oreos and such. it was fun, but you'd expect us to do something more exciting on the 4th of july. but it's ok. i'm pretty sure we were all content. oh wait... we went and watched some herriman fireworks. then that's where i start forgetting.

dear christa.

remember when we were bored one night? so we went to albertsons, and just did random stuff there for hours. we would pick something and move it somewhere else in the store that had something to do with the item. like the dog shampoo that we put with the human shampoo. and all the flavors of pringles. we moved the loaded baked potato flavor with the potatoes. and the cheese flavor with the cheese. and the pizza flavor with the frozen pizzas. that was funny. we should do that again.

dear christa, bigelow, brittany and austen.

remember when we were playing murder in the dark at bigelow's house? and first i got out, and so i went and sat on the couch. then christa got out, and she came and sat on the couch with me. and bigelow, brittany, and austen were all sitting there FOREVER and nobody was getting out. then finally christa leaned over and whispered to me that she was the murderer and got herself out. so everyone else was just sitting there waiting for the murderer to start, but the murderer was christa. it was the best.

dear christa, brittany, bigelow, and jessie.

remember when we went on an adventure through the wilderness surrounding my house? and then christa had to pee, so she was going to try to pee off the bridge. but it kind of didn't work out and she just ended up peeing her pants. and then she sat down in the river to try and rinse out. so she sat down and just kind of swished around a little... wow. what an adventure. and brittany cut herself on barbed wire. and then we went to the back yard of the mexican cock fighters. that was kinda creepy. it was all dark and foreboding. and then we went back to my house and before i let christa come in i went and asked my mom if it was alright if she did, because she wet her pants. but she let her. ha ha, it was so great.

dear christa.

remember when we were playing the ha ha game in bigelow's basement? and my head was on your stomach, and you were saying your ha's, and i decided to make it difficult for you, so i was pushing on your stomach with my head, and you were trying to say ha, and it forced all the air out the bottom. my heavens, that was quite the surprise...

dear brittany and christa.

remember when we went to shopko? and there was that cardboard tv that was just a display that christa wanted SO bad. so we sat on the couch in front of it for forever and thought about how cool it would be to have it. then we pushed the customer service button, and the guy came over and we asked if we could have it, and he said no. and we asked if we could buy it, and he said no. it was very disappointing...

dear kristee, adam, and christa.

remember the night before my 18th birthday? christa and i wanted to do something fun, so we went to our secret hide out, which was full of disgustingly gross water, and got her raft, and started floating around in it. then we thought it was so fun that we called kristee and adam to come float in it. so we all took turns sitting in the raft and floating in the muddy crap water. it's amazing how much fun it really was. then we decided that we should build a raft with a platform out of tires that will float and put a table on it and go on a date and eat dinner while floating on the platform and sitting at the table. it was such a great idea. but we haven't done it... yet. we still need to for sure.

dear christa.

remember senior dinner dance? when we went around taking pictures of people's butts. you would distract them, and i go behind and snap a picture and they never even knew. it was SO freakin funny. it's probably the funniest thing i've ever done. and then we were going to post them on facebook and people would be like.. what the, that's my butt. but we were scared we'd get in trouble for sexual harrassment or something. ha ha. and then during a slow song, i was gonna go cut in on a dance and start dancing with the girl, then you were going to come cut in on the dance i was dancing and start dancing with me, and then the guy and girl would just be standing there feeling stupid. but sadly we never got the chance... it would have been the best.

dear andrew and christa.

remember when i got my wisdom teeth out? and i was texting andrew and he asked when you guys could come visit and i told him to bring gifts or you're not welcome. i was on pain killers... i'm not usually that rude. so you got a victoria's secret bag and filled it with ketchup and mustard and gave it to me and it was sick. i didn't enjoy that gift, but i guess i got what i deserved. but thanks for coming to visit me anyway.

dear christa and adam.

remember when we were playing that game that one night that i liked and you guys didn't? then adam wanted to draw on christa's eyelids, and all heck broke loose. my face hurt so bad after scrubbing that crap off my eyelids. but once again, it was worth it.

dear bigelow, christa, and andrew.

remember new years eve when we sledded down the icy hill on the air mattress? and after going down like twice, andrew almost got his car towed. oops. then we had to keep pumping the mattress up every time we walked back up the hill, and then we finally were smart enough to think, hey... maybe there's holes in it and that's why it keeps going flat. so we flipped it over and discovered like 4 giant gashes in the bottom. and we just thought we were all fat and pushing the air out of who knows where. Silly us. That was fun. but the last run down the hill almost killed me... ouch. i kind of don't like remembering that part.